Graduation is an absolute minefield. Here’s some handy tips for avoiding those pesky moments at graduation parties:
1. Don’t answer the eternal question ‘What Are Your Plans For Next Year’ with:
A complete emotional breakdown. Save your honesty for the parental phone call.
Anything to do with the word ‘prostitution’
Or the word ‘Deloitte’…
Perhaps say instead:
A development year!
A year to find yourself
It’s not a year off. It’s a year on.
2. Do admit that you’re actually more sad than relieved that your education is over
3. Do accept your losses. There’s no point try to make-up for lost time by introducing yourself to people now… There’s such a thing as a handshake too late.
4. Don’t spend more time by the cheese / nibbles counter than with your real friends..
Instead, eat cheese WITH your friends.
5. Do vocalize the fact that you’re actually kinda creeped out by the sight of your tutors in a social context….
Because it’s like watching a dog trying to walk on its hind legs.
6. Don’t wear emotionally-regressed clothing to show your carefree nature. AKA..
Floral head adornments
Actually fuck it, this is exactly what you should wear.
7. Don’t try too hard with your seminar hottie. AKA dont ‘t let your Goldrush know you’re Goldrushing by slipping mining jokes into casual conversation
8. Or try to impress your tutors by mentioning random facts about Coleridge… It’s too late to flirt your way to a first now.
9. Do try and wear all of next year’s lecture outfits in one day
10. And don’t be sad your education’s over. If all else fails, you can come back as a mature student. You’re only as old as you feel, remember.