10 Signs You Survived Freshers’ Week

1. You’ve acquired enough bar crawl t-shirts for a life-time supply of pajamas. The irony is, you’ve passed out naked every night this week. Talk about Victoria’s Secret.

2. You’ve developed a ‘corridor posse’. You call yourself D-Block, or B-Block, and quite enjoy this because it makes you sound like bad-ass-gangsta-mofos. You’re bonded through face paint and school-girl fancy dress. Secretly, you’re really glad to be able to avoid the awkward double-loop in the dinner hall by having a group to sit with.

3. You’ve got so used to the sticky floors of clubs, now when you walk it feels like you’re walking through marshmallow. You’ve probably lost all semblance of daytime etiquette, but that’s because you’re still drunk.

4. Your inbox is full of emails from the rogue societies you panic-joined at Freshers’ Fair. You basically signed up to any society that was handing out free food – turns out feminism is literally a piece of cake. Belly dancing, on the other hand…

5. You’ve at least once gone to a seminar with the stamp of a nightclub on your cheek, before realizing the hour after. You’ve also worn some of the most sexually-repellent fancy dress known to man, all in the name of trying to make it into a bloody sport team, but it will be worth it.

6. You’ve got actual Northern friends now and realise that all your pre-conceptions were true: they are super friendly, love Yorkshire Gold with a chocolate digestive, and really CAN drink everyone under the table. Although you feel like quite the modern man with your eclectic friend group, you’re secretly a bit worried what the lads back home are going to say.

7. You’re in heaven in catered halls! You’ve over-indulged in the Sunday Roasts, apple pie and unlimited squash, thinking it’s the best thing EVER… before realizing that you’ve essentially thrown 3 grand down a well of potato wedges and will not see and green vegetable for a year.

8. If you’re in self-catered, to be honest, not even Instagram can make your dinners look sexy. You’ve developed a very particular style of cooking: put the contents of the fridge in tomato sauce + cover with cheese. Great for the tasteline, not so great for the waistline.

9. You’ve got an ambitious stack of contraceptives by your bed. Relations with the long-term girlfriend are frosty… having submerged your phone in vodka, forgotten to text home and shown some unsightly behaviour on Facebook, she’s realised you’re not an ideal life partner. Now you’ve got Jason Derulo on the D-floor to keep you company! Who’s Riding Solo now, Fresher.

10. But, on the plus side, you’re happy – you’ve made some new friends, realised that it’s ok if you can’t dance, because no-one else can, and you’ve got three years of having fun ahead of you, so who’s laughing really? The world is your oyster. At least until your 9 am seminar.

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